Sometimes I just want to stick my head out the window and start yelling:
“Is there anyone out there?
Is anyone left in the world besides me who
believes that there is a difference between right and wrong,
and that truth and justice are honorable endeavors?
Please call me.
Am I the last surviving person
who feels compassion and empathy?
I need to know that loving
my children deeply and unconditionally
doesn’t make me
crazy, guilty, obsessed, or foolish.
I need to know that someone else cares enough
to do the right thing.
My ex-spouse has narcissistic/borderline personality disorder (or to be politically correct), displays fixed psychologically abusive narcissistic and borderline patterns of behavior. Whatever! The experience became a deadly assault on everything good about family.
It damaged me. It damaged my children. It destroyed our relationships and how we communicated with each other. It nullified our dreams (literally and figuratively) and drained our livelihood. It altered the way our brains were wired and impaired how well they worked. It blunted our personalities, and severely limited our potentials. It muted our successes and sensitized our reactions to criticism and fear. It diminished our convictions, buried our authentic emotions, and even crushed our spiritual beliefs.
Living with a partner or parent with narcissistic/borderline personality traits makes “home” the most dangerous place to be.
The only thing that made it worse was that no one understood how dangerous or harmful this partner, or this parent was, so no one would help stop the abuse. Almost all of the professionals, who had the authority to protect my children and I, didn’t. And they didn’t care that they didn’t help us because they knew that they would never be held accountable; at least by the victims. This is what makes narcissistic/borderline abuse so problematic. It goes on and on, causing deeper and more far reaching wounds, but no one with authority will step in between the abuser and victims.
No amount of good can ever repair the years of personal and institutional abuse that resulted in unimaginable losses, endless bouts of icy loneliness, and complex, relentless, palpable grief. Justice will never be realized, like I grew up to believe. But it will do my heart good, and it may help someone else if I tell as many people as I can about the travesty of how our child protection systems “deal” with the most prevalent and pernicious type abuse, psychological abuse.
These blogs contain true lessons from the judgment impaired, the unconsciously incompetent, and the morally blunted, people in my wacko files, who at their very best, ignored their responsibility to protect my children and I from the ravages of a narcissistic/borderline partner/parent, and at the very worst, they used their positions of authority to protect this abuser.