Thank you all so much for your comments, contacts, and emails.
And WELCOME to the new parents who join us every day!
By popular demand,
We* start our journey
to rescue the first child
from being abandoned to the
narcissistic (borderline) parent
in family court.
*WE are the
National Alliance for Targeted Parents!
Targeted parents have experienced much more trauma than the average person. Nearly every targeted parent that I’ve had the pleasure of talking to wants to help the Alliance in some way. Unfortunately, what we do is not easily delegated and targeted parents struggle with the affects of trauma.
In a recent podcast, Richard Levine, one of the world’s leading experts in trauma, said that trauma is meant to be a good thing. Trauma survivors are more sensitive to being traumatized again, which doesn’t sound like an advantage to me. The advantage is that our hyper vigilance gives us the edge over someone who hasn't been sensitized to life-threatening circumstances before. Unfortunately our hyper vigilance is sensitized to a fault and there are millions of triggers in everyday life.
I know it doesn’t sound like a fair trade but rather than being side swiped from our hit and run ex-partners whenever we are not looking, our hyper vigilance alerts us that the car is coming. If we can keep our emotions from hi-jacking us, we can move out of the way and report the license plate number.
This is exactly what our targeted parents are doing with our intervention model. Rather than waiting until the next court hearing to “see what happens” (and you know that isn’t a good idea) our two targeted parents are trying to get use to being in the driver’s seat and build their agency.
“Agency,” is the ability to change your circumstances for the better and is on the opposite side of the spectrum from our learned helplessness. Both parents seem to be capitalizing on the fact that they know more about their cases than anyone else and they will no longer trust the outcome to lawyers and judges. The FIT Intervention gives them direction, with or without the help of family court! So let me bring you up to speed a little before they start blogging.
Eve has a child support hearing on March 13. She told me that she can't wait for it to be over, but I had to remind her that everything is different now, and March 13 is the beginning.
Eve and her ex-husband Lance, have had 50/50 placement for 8 years. She has never asked for child support before but because Lance is a narcissist (and I think that he leans more to the anti-social side than the borderline side) he has been more interested in raging war against Eve’s career and income than their son (and he was a little too young to be fully manipulated).
Eve’s ex-husband was able to destroy her career and devastate her income to the point where she really needs the child support to take care of her son when he is with her.
Eve filed for child support last summer, but her ex-husband’s lawyer kept pushing the date out until he couldn’t push it any further. FYI: Lance has a lot of money, a lot of money.
What is this child support hearing really going to be about?
A. A Party
B. A Murder
C. Child Support
D. Something completely different
If you picked C - “child support” then you don’t know the narcissistic (borderline) personality disorder well enough yet.
If you picked D and thought “placement” or “false allegations of being “unfit” or “abusive,” then you win this round.
Since we believe that Lance and his lawyer are planning on making some play for full time placement (so he won’t have to pay child support), Eve is going to prepare for the hearing as the jumping off point to assert the need for psychological evaluations.
She is preparing 3 files of evidence. A file on how she is a good mom, a file on how Lance destroyed her income and a file on Lance’s patterns of concerning behaviors that align with narcissistic (borderline) personality disorder.
Eve has a new lawyer, whose first comment to Eve was, "Your ex is a psychopath!" He seems to know this type of personality which means that he should have some ideas on how to deal with him. We will reserve judgment at this time.
In another part of the country, there is Mary.
Hi, my name is Mary. I had the opportunity to meet with Kay a few months ago when I knew I would be driving through the vicinity of the alliance. We had been communicating via e-mails and phone calls prior to our meeting. I have to be honest, when I decided to reach out to her I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. Let me explain….
Kay is very passionate and driven when it comes to saving our children and exposing the truth behind the court system. To put it bluntly, she can be pretty radical and fired up when I start telling her about my case. I am very thankful we met and she has been a very supportive advocate for me!
I am at the other spectrum from Eve. My 15 year old son has been psychologically abused by his Dad to the point where my son has to reject me, this has been going on for two years. We are not divorced yet, however I was given dinner once a week with my son on August 24th during a temporary custody hearing.
A positive note in this case, is that my soon to be ex-husband was diagnosed by a court ordered psychological evaluation to be a narcissistic. But, the GAL will not remove my son from his Dad’s home because he said the clinic told him it would be too traumatic for my son to be with me?
We were scheduled for a temporary custody hearing a few weeks ago after I said this has to stop. All the evidenced show’s my son is being psychologically abused and nobody is doing anything about this abuse. In my heart I knew the temporary custody was going to be a repeat of August 24th. Our final court date is eight weeks away. I spoke to Kay and Eve and they confirmed my feelings. The recommended time the GAL was going to let me have my son confirmed my gut instincts.
I hope and pray the judge will see the truth. It’s not about child custody, it’s about psychological child abuse.
This week, Mary will make an appointment with the Supervisor for Child Protective Services. I will be traveling to Mary's so the three of us can meet (and maybe Eve too!)
We will discuss the FIT Intervention and try to get a buy in. Our number one question will be; "What do you need from us to open a case for child psychological abuse and protective separation?"
I have prepared a special document detailing 6 ways in which Mary's case rises to a level of child psychological abuse and the intervention necessary to resolve the problem.
If there is time, we may also meet with Mary's lawyer and the GAL with copies of the same document. If not, Mary will make appointments and deliver the proposal for the intervention herself.
The fact that your eyes are on this case, is a powerful incentive for everyone to do the right thing...
but we will see.