Who's On First

Hey there sports fans.  This is Kay Johnson with an update from the major leagues.

The easiest way for me to keep you posted on any developments is just for me to share some of the documents and emails that go back and forth between Mary, Eve and me. 

Mary’s new lawyer is doing his job.  He calls Mary to make sure that she is doing what she is suppose to do, while he is keeping the ball rolling.  From a spectators viewpoint, I have lost track of the game plan.   Most of the time, I don't even understand the game plan that family lawyers follow because it so often diverges from reality.   Anyway, the following is an email I sent to Mary to get some clarification about "Who's On First?"

To: Mary

First, the GAL needs to be replaced.  If this is done quickly, you can save yourself the trouble of having to subpoena him for the psychological evaluations and parenting assessments.  You don’t need to prove that the GAL is not doing his job, you just need to send a letter to the Judge requesting a new one.  Still, I’d love to help you write the letter because there is so much damning evidence such as:

1. The GAL has withheld the psych report and parenting assessments since last November.

Your new lawyer should have gotten a copy by now, but I’d wager that he hasn’t.    I think the GAL doesn’t want anyone to see it because he placed your son with his father before getting the results and the recommendations. 

Besides the fact that the psychological evaluation probably identifies domestic abuse and physical and psychological (pathological) alienation, I know that it includes some strong recommendations for the court to IMMEDIATELY STOP your husband and get help for you and your son.   It’s almost June and he STILL hasn’t done anything.

2. The GAL recommended taking away all of your contact with your son without due process; even after your parenting assessments all came back so good.  If we had the psych evaluation we would also have evidence of your husband's pathogenic or dysfunctional parenting.

3. The transcription from your old lawyer’s voice mail indicates that the GAL was unhappy with me (or Eve) for hounding him for the psych evaluations and that now “it might not go well for you.”   

4. The GAL hasn’t assessed for domestic abuse, doesn’t understand how damaging narcissistic (borderline) parents are, can’t recognize trauma, has been discriminating against you and biased for your husband, empowered your son to think that he gets to decide where to live; even though the Judge said that “no 16 year old boy is going to be calling the shots", and he thinks that the cross-generational coalition against you is a “good enough” relationship.

5. The GAL has not acted in the best interest of your son—ever!  Every thing he has done is contrary to what the established child development sciences tells us needs to be done.   If he would just follow the state laws that mandate him to use the factors for placement, it would have come out right.  But, I’ve not seen a GAL in WI use them yet.

The list goes on and on---this guy has driven this high conflict case and seriously hurt you and your son in the process.   He will always be a problem.  Your son deserves balanced, objective advocacy from the GAL.

Second, in case I didn’t make it clear enough above; we need the psych report.

We need it so that we can write the interrogatory questions for the deposition and the final hearing.  S pecific, targeted questions are vital to prove how much damage your husband is doing to his son and you AND why he will not stop.

Third, brings us to therapy.  OMG.

There are very few therapists who are going to have a third of what they need to know to bring closure to this case and resolution for the family or give you more placement.  But even more fundamental is that there doesn't seem to be very clear directives concerning WHO is supposed to be in therapy OR WHY!


Who is supposed to be going to therapy?

Your son?

Any therapy for your son will be harmful if he does not have protective separation from his father.  In addition, you should be taking him to and from therapy, because your husband will sabotage any progress the therapist might make.  As Dr. Childress says, therapy without protective separation turns your son into a “psychological battleground” between the therapist’s outcomes and what the abuser wants. 

Your husband?   

Well, this goes without saying, because of his abusive parenting (which is probably described in the psych evaluation).  Narcissistic (borderline) patients are few and far between and very difficult to treat.  There have so many problems;  paranoid and persecutory delusions,  anger management,  serious mental illness called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, child psychological maltreatment, and how he encourages your son to emotionally abuse you—need I go on?

You and your husband?

I read the recommendation "to co-parent" somewhere.  Really? Umm —NPD parents cannot co-parent, end of story.  They may be able to parallel parent (maybe), but primary placement of your son must still be with you while he is in treatment.


Having a trauma informed therapist to help you process the prolonged, repeated psychological trauma is essential for your recovery, but this won’t do anything to move your case along.

When you find out, let me know!