In our last episode of Mary’s case…
Mary’s lawyer withdrew as her counsel after Mary began challenging her for not protecting her parental rights or her son. Over the past two years, Mary’s lawyer allowed the guardian ad litem (GAL) to take away virtually all of her custody and placement. Nothing changed even though the psychological evaluation clearly showed that her soon to be ex-husband was a danger to their son and she was a wonderful, healthy parent. Mary was on the conveyor belt headed for the meat grinder and her lawyer stood by and watched.
Nothing that had happened in her case made any sense EXCEPT for the fact that Mary had done everything her lawyer and the GAL asked. This is consistent across the country. While everyone else is playing dirty, targeted parents stick by their morals and integrity.
Mary hired a family court lawyer (who was a mother of 4) to protect her rights to parent her son and she was also paying ½ for the guardian ad litem, who was supposed to be protecting the best interest of their son. Mary didn’t expect that these professionals would not do their jobs. Bill Eddy, author of Splitting and Don’t Alienate the Kids believes that it is the family court lawyers are the real instigators of prolonged, high conflict cases. They do whatever they want, regardless of the statutes or the moral responsibility to their profession or society.
In high conflict cases, the emotionally impaired parent (narcissistic (borderline) feels entitled to full custody and placement and bullies his/her lawyer and the GAL into frustration and exhaustion. The targeted parent is reasonable and responsive but erroneously believes that his/her lawyer will protect their parental rights and the Gal will diligently stand guard over the child’s best interests. This is probably the most harmful misconception that targeted parents have.
Family court is not a level playing field. We are already traumatized by all the abuse we suffered before we got to court. Then our entire world collapses when we are confronted with the reality that our law enforcement, child protective services and family courts are not built on truth, justice and the safety of our children.
Know this… no one, especially no family court lawyer has the same moral convictions and passion for our children that we do. Their agenda is to get paid. High conflict cases are a pain in their butts and they won’t put in the effort to understand the dire consequences of placing the child with the mentally ill parent. They often choose the path of least resistance.
In Mary’s case, both lawyers and the GAL had been talking among themselves. They concluded that the only way that this case would ever end would be to give the rigid, confrontational bully his way. The targeted parent doesn’t know the legal system or her rights. She is naïve and will do whatever her lawyer “implies” is the right thing. In Mary’s case she signed a temporary order that reduced her contact with her son to one meal a week—she didn’t know that she could say no. Her lawyer told her that this is a victory because they got the psychological evaluation.
Unfortunately the psychological evaluation revealed exactly what they didn’t want to hear; the narcissist is dangerous and abusive and should not have primary custody or placement. So they ignore the psychological evaluation and kept to their path of least resistance.
We get this.
How many times did we let our irrational narc exes
have their way, just to try and keep the peace?
The light bulb went on for Mary at the 11th hour. She knew she was going to lose her son because no one in that court was going to fight for her or him. So she started to fight back.
First she cancelled the temporary hearing, which would have solidified the loss of her son. This threw everybody. To her credit, Mary waited until the day before the hearing, to minimize the retaliation from her husband.
Second, Mary began HOUNDING her lawyer to file contempt against her husband for interference. Her lawyer told Mary that she couldn’t file contempt; she lied straight to Mary and Mary knew it. This was when Mary started seeing her lawyer through reality glasses and being exposed for who she was, her lawyer withdrew.
Third, the final hearing was only 2 weeks away and Mary didn't have counsel. So, she sent the Judge a letter asking to move the date of the final hearing because her lawyer quit and she needed time to find a new one. The Judge called Mary back that very same day and totally agreed. He also said that he wanted to keep the date set, so that he could address the contempt against Mary’s husband. This court hearing is tomorrow, May 4th.
Fourth, Mary hired a new lawyer who is rearranging his schedule to be in court with her tomorrow. He wants to be involved in her case right from the beginning. He knows narcissists, expresses his opinions freely, takes his responsibilities seriously and is assertive. He also has a sense of humor, which is a real plus in these cases!
Fifth, remember that Mary filed a child abuse referral with child protective services the day her lawyer quit?
She meets with two social workers today, who are investigating her case.